Mental Health & Society’s Unrealistic Expectations

Sarah Logan (mom)

January 31, 2023

Let me set the scene…

We’ve been working hard getting Olivia’s behavior under control. From being a typical 5 year old girl and her new miracle medicine side effects, we’ve had some rough times. Anyway, the past couple mornings, she’s struggled sitting still and focusing on finishing her breakfast without spilling her apple juice and miralax drink and it has been really testing my patience. This morning we talked about how we were going to be careful and drink through the straw with the drink on the table and not holding the cup. Within 5 seconds, she was soaked in apple juice on the floor cleaning up the mess that she just made. *Snap* I was immediately triggered and completely lost control.

In my mind I was hearing “It was an accident” “Be gentle” “Don’t yell at her” “Show her grace” but the words that came out of my mouth did NOT reflect that. Instead, I responded with guilt, shame, and anger. My physical body responded completely opposite of what my inner voice was guiding me towards. Afterwards, the voice that was rational and “good” turned into “What kind of mother responds that way?” “This is going to traumatize her” “Way to go mom (sarcasm)”… What was the truth? I made a human mistake in a situation where I was tired of repeating myself. I should give myself grace, right? I should, but that is not what happened.

The Downward Spiral

We got it cleaned up, she got new clothes on and we finished getting ready to head out the door for school. As we approached the drop off area, I asked her how she felt and she said she was sad about what happened. I assured her that I shouldn’t have responded that way but was still upset. The line helper opened the door and Olivia froze, looked back at me with tear filled eyes saying “I don’t want to leave you mommy”. After some convincing, she finally made it out of the car and started walking up to the school with the help of her favorite Mr. Wiley.

I drove off and my heart shattered when I thought about how she was crying for me when I left. How have I damaged her perfect innocent soul by my negative response just moments earlier? Does she know how much I love her? Will she be ok at school with such a rough start to our day? Am I a good mom? I was not in a good mental state and the expectation to get it together so I could work that day seemed impossible for me. I needed a break. I needed to take the day to regroup and process what I was feeling.

Mental Health As An Employee

Mental and emotional wellbeing is one of those topics that is talked about a lot more in Corporate America but it still has a LONG way to go before it catches up with needs employees have, especially mothers who are full-time caregivers and full-time employees. If you are an employer, please consider how the state of your employee’s mental health affects their job performance. If your employees are open enough to tell you they need a mental health day and they will not be productive in their current mindset, believe them and give them the ability to take that time without shaming them or counting it as just “taking the day off.” Take mental health just as serious as physical health.

If you are unsure about what rights are protected under the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, I highly recommend checking out this article on their site or talking with employer’s HR Department.

My Journey With Anxiety & Depression

I have operated with a constant stress level in some way shape or form for years, honestly probably since early college. I would say that that level rose significantly with the birth of Olivia and our journey navigating being medical parents. I have seen therapists throughout the last year or so but have always felt like I was managing my anxiety on my own without the need for medication.

Ironically enough, today was the day for my blood pressure follow up with my primary physician. I was prepared to see extremely high blood pressure numbers due to what transpired but much to my surprise, they looked great! Which is so good to see since I’ve been struggling keeping my blood pressure regulated since being diagnosis with preeclampsia with the birth of my son.

I did end up talking to my doctor about how I have been feeling off the last couple weeks and this morning was a wake-up call for me. I’ve been extremely fatigued, not getting good rest at night, low appetite and just overall disinterested in things that usually bring me joy. I also have been hyper fixated on “things” to do to escape and keep my mind from processing how I was truly feeling. So focused on them that I completely shut EVERYTHING out around me, not even noticing someone walking right in front of me. I honestly felt something needs to change and without shame, I’m starting a low dose of an antidepressant to see if it can help me regulate some of my emotions. This isn’t a decision I make lightly but the way I’ve been feeling is not healthy.

What Now?

I urge you, if you are someone who is not feeling like themselves, triggered easily, sad/upset but not knowing why, dealing with any stress or traumatic event. Please talk to someone. I understand not everyone will understand my exact situation, but everyone has something and it is OK not to be perfect. It is OK to not have it all together. It is OK to seek help if you need it. Do not let anyone, even yourself, shame you for having a human response to any situation. Do not allow your job to decide whether your mental health is important or not. You are important, you matter and most of all your mental health is just as important as your physical health!

XOXO

Sarah Logan (mom)

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